Of Brats and Grannies
by otahotian
Summary: "So you want to adopt a demon brat.." "You asked thrice the same question, granny." "So you roped Hayate into it as well?" "We.. we disagreed on this matter." Iruka is getting ideas again and Ibiki guards his family.
1. Chapter 1

**Hellooooo :)**

**Place: Konoha (Ibiki's office)  
Time: three years after the Kyuubi attack (means Naruto is 3, Iruka is 15, Hayate 16 and Ibiki.. well.. he's _ancient_)  
Mood: weird  
Characters: Iruka, Ibiki, Naruto**

* * *

"What? Get that sticky little disgusting thing far away from me brat!" Ibiki moved a step back while waving his arms like a windmill.

"It's a _child_ Ibi-sama." said brat rolled his eyes and gently rocked the sleeping boy in his arms.

"It's _sticky._"

"So I've heard." Umino Iruka smiled a smile Ibiki had never seen on him before. It wasn't mischievous, it wasn't creepy, neither cheeky or rude. It was a _nice_ and honest smile.

"Do sit down brat." Ibiki therefor decided to find out _what_ happened to his bad-mannered brat. He kicked a chair towards Iruka and sat down onto his table himself.

"Ta." the brat carefully lowered himself onto the chair and how_ fucked _was that? Since _when_ did Ibiki's brat do _anything_ carefully?

"So what's with the kid? 'S yours?" Iruka gave him a funny look as if debating whether he should ask about his health.

"Well _no_. But I want to adopt him, Ibi-sama."

Ibiki waited for a few seconds before taking a deep breath. "Why?"

"It's _Namikaze Naruto_." and the proud interrogation specialist almost fell from his chair.

"You shouldn't be going around and calling him _Namikaze_, brat. He's _Uzumaki_."

"Who cares." Iruka mumbled.

"You would be surprised." _Just as much as I am right now._

"Well – I _don't_. I want to adopt him."

"Why?" Ibiki repeated his previous question.

"'Cause I don't want any other child growing without _anyone_." Iruka breathed out and Ibiki suddenly understood just _what_ was his brat trying to tell him.

"_You_ survived."

Iruka shook his head. "That's _only_ 'cause you practically adopted me, Ibi-sama."

"So that would make me a _granny_ to _this_?" he pointed a finger at the snoring bundle of blond.

Iruka shrugged. "If you wanna.."

"So you want to adopt a _demon brat_.."

Iruka jumped up faster than Ibiki could notice and _growled_ at him. "Don't. Call. Him. That!" he ordered breathlessly and Ibiki noticed a light in his eyes that was dangerous.

_Brat could lose it right now, that's interesting._ He watched his stu – ex-student with fascination.

"I've spent most of _your_ life calling _you_ that and you _never _argued. Why now?"

Ibiki watched as Iruka blinked the light out and sat back down, looking so _tired_.

"I am sorry, Ibi-sama. You are not the first one who threw _these _words at me today." Iruka replied and looked down.

"And did the civilians-" because who else, right? Ibiki at least _hoped_ no shinobi dared to insult Iruka, "throw _only_ the words at you?" he asked throw gritted teeth, because he already knew the answer.

"Of course." Iruka said and met his eyes.

"You are a good liar, Iruka. Did you dodge?"

"I – well, it was impossible to run or dodge very well with Naruto.. so.. _no_."

Ibiki hissed. He may have been angry on his brat, but _no one_ would get away with hurting _any_ of his kids.

"Did you visit the hospital?" he asked curtly, trying to hold his anger.

"No. Nothing serious." Iruka waved it off.

"Only civilians?" Ibiki changed the topic to something that was bothering him.

"Only civilians." Iruka lied and this time his sensei didn't notice. Or didn't _want_ to notice.

_The world is rotten._ Iruka thought and ran a hand over the kid's hair.

"So you want to adopt it."

"You asked _thrice_ the same question, _granny_." Iruka stuck his tongue.

Ibiki rolled his eyes and hit him over his head.

"At least some things never change." the man said.

"And it's a _him_, or _Naruto_, not _it_, old man." the boy teased cheekily.

"So you want to adopt _him_."

"Four times and still counting."

"Sure, sure. You know the policy for adopting?"

"Of course I do."

"So you roped Hayate into it as well?"

Iruka closed his eyes for a moment and Ibiki knew it was a _bad_ question. Whoever agreed to adopt Naruto with Iruka, it obviously wasn't Hayate.

"We.. we _disagreed _on this matter."

"So _who_ is the other parent, then?"

"I don't know, yet. I was thinking about Anko, but I doubt they would let her, with her history."

"And you doubt rightfully."

Iruka smiled. "I know."

"So not our team." Ibiki looked up in a deep thoughts. "What about the other team?"

"Mizuki is too similar to Hayate," _Just much more sneaky,_ "to agree. As to Izumo and Kotetsu.. I just _can't_ ask one of them." Iruka gesticulated so wildly Ibiki was surprised the kid hadn't woken up.

"Why not?"

"They are _Izumoandkotetsu_, you can't separate them."

"The same could be said about you and Hayate."

"Obviously not." Iruka snorted.

Ibiki rubbed the bridge of his nose. His brat wasn't taking it good.

"Everyone argues once in a while."

"We didn't argue." Iruka whispered. "We just disagreed."

"That's the same, just nicely said."

"Maybe.." the brat said silently with his look downcast again.

"Did you say anything you want to take back?" Ibiki asked, because something was obviously _very_ wrong and it was eating his brat away.

"Of course." Iruka answered with a bored tone. But he was still cradling the boy as if his life was on the stake.

"Did _Hayate _say anything you want him to take back?" by the wide eyes his brat gave him, Ibiki hit the nail right on it's head.

Iruka nodded and Ibiki sighed.

"You wouldn't _care_ if someone bad-mouthed you, so I guess he said something _not-very-nice_ about the kid of yours, right?" Ibiki urged his brat to continue, because _how_ could he make everything better if he didn't know what had happened, right?

"Yeah.."

"Do you know how _often_ did I hear insults on you three? Mostly by the police, by the way, brat." Ibiki smirked knowing Iruka would interpret it just the right way.

"What did you do?" the brat asked with a slight smile.

"I broke their jaws. Did you break _Hayate's_ jaw?" the interrogator raised his eyebrows. He hadn't thought about _that_ – just how close had Iruka been to loosing it just a minutes ago. What _had_ happened?

"Of course not. It's _Hayate_!" the brat exclaimed looking insulted. "I would _never_ hurt him. Or Anko. Or the boys."

"You almost lost it _here_, Iruka." Ibiki informed him and started cleaning his nails with a kunai.

"Did I?"

Ibiki nodded. "But don't worry about it. _I_ would be alright. And the little brat as well." he quickly added when his brat started looking down again.

"I see.." Iruka whispered and fell into silence. Ibiki mimicked him concentrating on his own nails and his brat's problem.

"You know what?" Ibiki broke the silence when he was done with his nails. Iruka looked up from his sleeping kid.

"You don't have to _adopt _him, just get a guardianship over him and it will basically be the same."

"Really?" Iruka brightened up and straightened his back. Ibiki smiled, it was always satisfying to see his brats happy.

"Yes. I even have the right papers _here_, brat."

"..Why?" Iruka asked with his eyebrows up, but stood and moved himself to the table.

"You don't need to know, brat." Ibiki countered and picked up a stack of papers from his drawer. He even handed his brat a pen.

"I know. I just _want_ to." Iruka informed him while scribbling his name and the name of his little brat down where Ibiki pointed.

"I guessed. Sign here. And here. No – not there, there would be _my_ signature." he barked instructions.

"Why yours?" Iruka blinked up at his sensei and blindly signed himself where he _thought_ he should. By the frown on Ibiki's face he missed. But only a little. He didn't get shouted on, after all.

"You need to have a witness, brat."

"Oooh!" Ibiki rolled his eyes. His brat was too easy to fascinate.

"That's all. But if you want you can sign some Intel-paperwork for me, you look like enjoying it." Ibiki smirked.

"In your dreams!" Iruka countered and smirked back. "I will go and feed _my_ child and than come back to help you, 'k?"

"Yes, yes. Don't disturb my _work_, brat." the interrogator said and they both knew he wouldn't work anyway, because he _hated_ paperwork. He would just wait for Iruka or Anko to come and help him. For some reason, either didn't mind.

"Wait up, Ibi-sama." Iruka turned around one last time before he disappeared through the window. "Did anyone try to get a guardianship over me, when I lost my family?"

"Yes. And even succeeded." Ibiki answered without looking at him, his gaze pointed to the spiderweb in a corner of his office. He would have to do some _cleaning_, soon.

Iruka blinked. That was weird, he never noticed anyone looking over him and no one ever told him and – basically the only people he knew were his sensei and his team and their brother-team.

"Who." he demanded.

"Me."

* * *

**Hmm... I was bored. I should probably say it's _finished_, but will get a second chapter (this one is serious, the second one will be ... weird.. full of Iruka's ideas, that's why)**

**I want to write the mostly because I can't leave Iruka without Hayate and Hayate without Iruka. So yeah..**

**Thank you for reading and sorry if you spot any mistake. I promise I _am_ getting better. But slowly.**

**Review if you liked it :)  
**

**And _Smile_!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Bored.**

* * *

"So what did the boss say?"

„Hayate! What are you doing here?" _here_ was a corner of a dirty and dark street where Iruka lived. He would usually be happy to see his friend, or angry and worried to see him _here_, because the street _was_ dangerous. However today, he was confused and surprised.

"Just because I may be a .. _bit wary_ of the.. kid doesn't mean I will disappear into the sunset, Iruka."

"I – I _know_ that!" Iruka yelled a bit defensively. He _did_ think Hayate would shun him.

"So what did Biki-sama say?" the dark-haired shinobi repeated and started an easy pace towards Iruka's house trusting him to follow. Iruka did.

"I signed some papers and – voila! Naru-chan's mine." Iruka smiled and ran to catch his friend. He had missed him.

He didn't need to run. Hayate froze in a mid step and turned back at him. "So.. so who did you find to – you know.." he mildly gesticulated towards Naruto.

"You are sooo weird, Haya-chan." Iruka raised his eyebrows and tugged at him to make him move. It wasn't wise for them to stall in the middle of _this_ street.

"So what." Hayate shot back and freed his arm with almost violent jerk. "Who agreed to adopt _him_ with you?" he demanded.

"Why would you want to know?" Iruka asked because he was confused.

Hayate frowned. "'Cause I am staying right _here_ in your life and want to know who would as well." he said in a bored tone as if quoting something he had read.

Iruka thought it over while he searched his pockets for the key.

"Alright." he acknowledged. "Do try to guess, Hayate." Iruka urged and send his chakra into the door accompanied with the key. He needed to turn his traps off, after all.

"Mizuki?" Hayate obviously decided to play along.

"No. He is too similar to you – just much more sneakier - " Iruka repeated the words he had said to their sensei, "so I decided not to give him a reason to turn his back on me."

"_As well, ne Iruka._" Hayate sent a scowl his way, which Iruka couldn't see for he was climbing the stairs, but knew it was there.

"You are here, aren't you." Iruka pointed out. He held the door to his room opened for his teammate and waited until Hayate made himself comfortable on his bed, before he closed them.

"Yes, I am." the smaller one smiled and snuggled to Iruka's covers. He felt sleepy. "So Izumo or Kotetsu?"

"Izumo _or_ Kotetsu?" Iruka repeated with a grin and laid the still sleeping boy onto the bed next to Hayate. "Hope you don't mind.." Iruka mumbled and Hayate shook his head. Naruto immediately snuggled to the warmth Hayate radiated.

The older had to hold himself not to flinch, but managed. And it was good, because it earned him a radiant smile.

"I think neither. You can't just choose and split them."

"Exactly." Iruka hopped up onto his table and sat with his legs crossed. He leaned his back against the wall and half-closed his eyes.

"So.. Anko?"

"Of course not."

"Why not? She's a _girl_, that's something."

Iruka laughed. "They wouldn't let her, remember?" he pointed out when he stopped laughing.

"Oh.. I forgot... Hatake?" Hayate perked up curiously. He wasn't glad his friend made such a strong alliance with someone, but it would be _very_ funny if it was Hatake.

"What?" Iruka almost choked with laugher.

"Guess not." Hayate uttered trough his own chuckles. "So than who? I can't think about anyone else.."

Iruka shook his head with a smile. "No one. I didn't adopt Naruto. I got a legal guardianship over him."

Hayate let himself to drop back onto the bed and without thinking pulled the little child closer to himself, rubbing his little back.

"Too bad.. I was looking forward you running up and down the streets asking everyone you meet to marry you." Hayate joked.

"I may just go and do that. Would be fun, right?"

"Not now. I want to see that. And _now_ I want to sleep." Hayate yawned closely followed by Iruka. "And you should too."

"Promised Ibi-sama to help him.." Iruka mumbled, but obediently slid down and padded to the bed, before collapsing next to his dozing friend and kid.

"Anko said she's going to go there today." Hayate informed him and moved himself and Naruto to make more room.

"Didn't she want to train with Raido-san today?" Iruka whispered when they all stopped moving.

"They're already done, I went as well. Wanted to kick Shiraui's ass without getting into trouble."

"Did you?"

"What? Kick his ass? No. Get into trouble? Yes."

"You are such a loser." Iruka laughed and poked his friend.

Hayate punched his shoulder. "Sleep." And sleep they did.

* * *

"Maan." Hayate yawned and sat up in Iruka's bad. "You awake?" he asked sleepily and tried to blink the blurr out of his eyes to see his teammate. What he saw made him chuckle – Iruka was laying flat on his back with one hand hanging over the edge of the bad and the other holding the little blond boy in place. In place was on Iruka's stomach where the boy mirrored Iruka's own position almost perfectly.

Upon hearing Hayate's words the blond turned his startlingly blue eyes at him.

"Oh, little man is awake!" Hayate cooed at the kid. Naruto smiled a huge smile, showing his very sharp teeth.

"What about getting up, little guy?" Hayate smiled at him trying to ignore the cold _fear_ crawling over him. _This was a demon._

"'S he 'wake?" came a blurred voice of Hayate's teammate.

"Yop. Unlike you." Hayate teased while stretching his arms.

"Was awake hours ago.." Iruka mumbled and shifted a bit to be able to sit without disturbing Naruto. His eyes were still closed. "Didn't wanna wake him or you and fell asleep again."

"That's sooo like you." Hayate chuckled.

"What's the time anyway?" the younger asked and even stood up to stretch, his boy still in his arms. Iruka quickly blinked to get used to the almost non-existent light in the room.

"Ten – eleven." Hayate stated and got up as well. With a smile he helped Naruto to climb from Iruka's arms to his. The little guy let out a joyful cackle and tugged on Hayate's hair.

"Ouch!" the older yelped and caught the tiny hand into his palm. "Stop it!" he said sternly.

"He's a nice kid." Iruka called out from his position on the floor. He made few push-ups just to wake up. "Ten – eleven morning, or ten – eleven evening?" he added with a grin and a flip to his feet.

"Evening, you dunderhead."

"Ooooh!" Iruka breathed out. "What's for br-_dinner_?"

"Whatever you make." Hayate threw back at him offhandedly and skipped out to the corridor. "Aah – it's so _empty_ here!"

"Christmas's soon – buy me some decoration." Iruka said cheekily and followed at much more sedate pace.

* * *

"So what now?" Hayate asked. He was standing in Iruka's kitchen, with Iruka's apron around his neck, rubbing Iruka's plates and mugs clean while the said boy bounced a giggling child on his shoulders jumping around the room like a child himself.

"What now?" Iruka repeated and even stopped jumping for a moment. Naruto steadied himself by grabbing onto Iruka's hair.

"Any plans for the night? We don't have missions, so.." Hayate shrugged, while finishing the last cup. He gratefully slid out of the horrible piece of _purple_ clothing.

"Well – I think we already decided what to do, ne?" a grin.

"So you _are _going to do it." Hayate said in wonder.

"_We_ are going to do it."

"What? You can't pull me into it!" the older said in a mock panic and Iruka laughed. That made Naruto cackle as well, even though he didn't know what were they talking about.

"Don't be a spoil-sport, Haya-chan." Iruka grinned and bounced again to make the kid giggle again.

Hayate rolled his eyes and leaned on his toes to get a better look at the bright kid. He stuck out his tongue.

"You are funny, Haya-chan." Iruka stated with a crooked smile.

"I know, right." he rolled his eyes again. "So where should we start?"

"Let's go out. Can't sit still." the younger said and tugged his friend out into the night. The air was still warm in the late summer and sweet. "Let's say.. I will tell _you_ who to ask, and you will tell me."

Hayate sighed. "Alright. We will take turns and the other will watch after Naruto." When he saw Iruka's head turn sharply at him, he quickly added: "It will be safer not to scare them _before_ even asking, ne?" he smiled.

"I see.." Iruka agreed. "Do you want to start?"

"Not really."

They both laughed.

"Iruka?" Hayate frowned and turned to look at his friend. Iruka hummed to show he was paying attention. "Before I tell you your first _victim_ will be Hatake, I want to ask you something." Hayate grinned and gave Iruka few seconds to calm down his chuckles.

"Shoot." Iruka urged.

"Naruto is three, isn't he?" he looked at the boy at question who was humming happily still sitting on Iruka's shoulders.

"Yeah."

"Shouldn't he already be able to talk?" Naruto gave him a look and blinked his huge eyes.

Iruka raised his eyebrows. "He _can_ talk. Just don't see the need to, I guess."

"Ah! Your exact opposite!"

"Shut it, you." Iruka punched his shoulder and had to catch the kid before he fell from his own due to the shift of Iruka's balance. Naruto looked as if enjoying the free fall.

"Aye, sir. Now go – your first candidate is waiting."

* * *

**Review, please? I realize this does not really have a plot.. just for (my) fun :)**

**..Aaaand I realized my stories do not really correspond with each other.. Sometimes Iruka is in team with Hayate (and later Anko) and sometimes with Izumo and Kotetsu.. and so on.. it can get confusing, right..**

**Well thanks for sacrificing some of your precious time to read this (and reviw, maybe..?) :) and have a nice day.**

**Smile,  
me.**


	3. Iruka

**Tis chapter about Iruka. And Kakashi. And tad bit about Naruto.**

* * *

"Hatake-san! Hatake-san!" Iruka called out after the special jounin. He had searched the Konoha up and down for the last two hours and _finally_ had some luck when he saw the familiar silhouette walking the pathway out of the hospital.

"Hatake-san! Wait up!" he shouted again and the jounin stopped to turn back.

_Don't I feel special.._ Iruka thought when he caught a flash of a smile.

"Yo, Iruka." Hatake let the teen walk to him and greeted with a _polite_ nod. "How can I help you?" even his voice sounded weird.

"Eh – a _hospital_? Did you get injured, Kakashi-senpai?" Iruka asked curiously.

"No."

Iruka raised his eyebrows. The air around the jounin was familiar and easy to recognize after those years with his sensei. "Mission went wrong?" he asked gently. He knew he was right the moment Kakashi's eyes darted at him and than away.

"What would you know about that?" the jounin asked silently.

Iruka sighed. _Looks like I won't be asking _my_ question any time soon._ "Let's walk." he said firmly and when Hatake didn't argue he turned to the path to training ground 4.

The walk was silent as they didn't walk _with_ each other, no – Iruka led the way and Kakashi followed three steps behind. At the 'gate' to the ground 4 the younger finally got fed up with the silent treatment.

"Kakashi-senpai." he turned at him. "While it would normally be funny to see you _following_ me, you _know_ I don't like silence."

Kakashi didn't answer – only sighed. Iruka sighed as well. _That_ was getting old pretty quickly. The younger, resigned to his silent companion, slid down onto the ground with his legs crossed. He gesticulated to the jounin to follow him.

"When I was twelve, I met my team for the first time. We _were_ three, just for you to know." Iruka smiled, even though it was not fun.

Kakashi nodded. His gaze was turned down to watch a small bug crawling over a cone.

"Our first mission was the second day. We just met each other and.. well.. we decided we _liked_ each other. And than he _lost_ it."

"Lost it?" Kakashi repeated in confusion.

"Yeah." Iruka smiled. "He had almost killed us. Me and Hayate."

"But he didn't."

"No. Ibi-sama didn't let him. He _always_ protected us."

Kakashi looked up and Iruka got the feeling he was smiling again. "What happened with -" Kakashi stopped to search his memory for the name before he realized Iruka hadn't said it, "- with your other teammate?"

"His body couldn't hold the pressure."

"Did he die..?" the copy-nin tried to sound gentle, it didn't come out exactly as he wanted, but Iruka didn't hold it against him – he knew the jounin wasn't very adept at coping with emotions.

"No. His chakra circulation collapsed. He is a _civilian_."

"Do you see each other often?"

"We are banned from seeing him."

Kakashi looked up at him and held his gaze as if looking for something and not finding it.

"We lost a teammate. In an ambush."

They were silent for a few minutes and Iruka debated whether he should _hug_ him, but the copy-nin always radiated a signal of 'don't touch me'.

"You didn't find me just to swap stories." the jounin stated and shuffled closer to Iruka, looking intently into his eyes.

"Well, yeah.. but it sounds kind of silly, right now."

Kakashi raised his hands in a gesture of surrender: "No more hearth breaking stories so you can as well ask."

"I have _lots_ of stories." Iruka grinned. "I need your _help._" he gesticulated and put on his most innocent face.

"What with?"

"I want to adopt a _child_. And you _do_ know the policy, right?"

Kakashi looked confused. "Eh. No..?"

Iruka laughed. "I guess. No reason for you to know, right?" he stated. "The policy – shortly – states only a _married _pair can adopt a child." the teen said and it was lie only partly.

"And..?" the jounin urged him to continue. "Wait. _Why_ do you want to adopt a child?"

"Not _any_ child. I want to adopt Nami-Uzumaki Naruto."

Kakashi stared at him and only _then_ did Iruka realize that the Yondaime had been his sensei. Hatake was the first one to drop his eyes.

"So what do you want me to do?" the jounin asked and by the amused look Iruka received, he already had his suspicion. The younger shinobi smirked.

"I need you to marry me."

* * *

**Short, shorter, shortest. Just for your information - tis not a _story_. No. I shall post one (or two, or more - but _later_) more chapter and the "plot" (thought I am not sure it should be called that) is finished.**

**Still thank you for reading this (and even reviewing!), it makes me happy :)**

**Smile.**


	4. Hayate

**Last chapter.. or not.. who knows..**

* * *

"_'A bit sudden, give me some time to think about it.' _Really? Who does he think he is? A damsel?" Hayate tried to suppress his laugh and Iruka punched his shoulder.

"It was kind of _sweet._"

"_Sweet_? It was _idiotic_."

"Nooo!" Iruka argued. "Everyone would immediately refuse! It was sweet of him to really _think_ about it."

"Oookey." Hayate surrendered. "Who is my victim?"

"Hmm.." Iruka pretended to think about it. "Well – _Shiranui_ would probably be the right one."

Hayate gave him a bored look but handed him the kid. "Alright."

* * *

"..Ge – _Gekkou... Hayate_..?" the teenaged tokubetsu jounin asked and took off his scarf. He leaned forward and ran his hand trough his sweaty hair. When he straightened his infamous senbon was already stuck in between his lips.

"One'n'only." Hayate agreed and shot a smile at his kind-of-friend. Genma raised his eyebrows. _Probably afraid I have planned some mischief.. Can't blame him, I'm friends with Iruka._

"So watcha need Hayate?" the jounin asked him while stretching his arms behind his back.

"Will you create a _bond_ with me?" Hayate asked boldly as if it was perfectly normal question.

"Whaat?" Shiranui drawled.

_How come he always sounds so .. _bored_?_

Hayate rolled his eyes. "A bond. With me."

"I heard you. I have a question." he paused for affect. "Are you smoking something? 'Cause it's probably pretty strong."

"I want to adopt a child and you probably know the policy."

"You _are_ smoking something!" Genma exclaimed in amusement.

Hayate chuckled. "I take it as a 'no'."

"Ah – yeah. Sorry, Hayate."

The younger smiled. "'S alright, I will ask someone else. See you." he waved and left to find his teammate. _Iruka will be disappointed. No drama._

* * *

**Faaarewell! And Smile!**


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